Rob (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} robyrt) wrote,@ 2008-05-21 15:54:00 |
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The Affairs of Men
New York magazine's latest headline-grabbing article details the author's longing for commitment-free, casual sex while his wife is at home doing the dishes. Full of anecdotal evidence, it seems to be a genuinely questioning essay until he looks outside of his 50-year-old-men comfort zone and asks his wife about the whole thing:
The comments provide an extremely varied range of opinions, in the same way that the South is extremely diverse. From one commenter, responding to the "You made a promise to be monogamous when you married her!" argument: "I don't think a promise not to sleep with other people is morally binding. I don't think promises and agreements that obstruct basic personal freedoms are valid."
From the very next commenter: "To think one can guarantee a sexual relationship will not become emotional, you're fooling yourself."
The comment I found most damning was a man who had been in a "polyamorous" marriage for years, then eventually found the woman of his dreams and is now happily monogamous. Guess what? He no longer has an uncontrollable desire to sleep with random babes, just like athletes can easily control their desires to eat a quart of ice cream. Imagine that!
New York magazine's latest headline-grabbing article details the author's longing for commitment-free, casual sex while his wife is at home doing the dishes. Full of anecdotal evidence, it seems to be a genuinely questioning essay until he looks outside of his 50-year-old-men comfort zone and asks his wife about the whole thing:
When I got back from the Kinsey Institute, I told my wife all about the evolutionary data and Erick Janssen’s questionnaire, and she got agitated. “Okay. Let’s have an open marriage. And I have to be out Wednesday night.”Whoops! Guess you aren't the vanguard of sexual liberation anymore! He ends on this 'happy note':
I said, No thanks.
A relationship is a myth you create with each other. It isn’t necessarily true, but it’s meaningful. The key to that myth is that the other person is enough for you. You know in your head that another person isn’t enough for you. But if you don’t honor the myth, then it crumbles.Sounds like a great plan... if your relationship is a myth. Those of us in happy, fulfilled relationships beg to differ. The author is on a long, wordy quest to find out why he has these contradictory sexual desires. Because he can't stand taking advice from anyone who doesn't support his hypothesis, he ends up wandering in the wilderness, unable to find any real answers.
The comments provide an extremely varied range of opinions, in the same way that the South is extremely diverse. From one commenter, responding to the "You made a promise to be monogamous when you married her!" argument: "I don't think a promise not to sleep with other people is morally binding. I don't think promises and agreements that obstruct basic personal freedoms are valid."
From the very next commenter: "To think one can guarantee a sexual relationship will not become emotional, you're fooling yourself."
The comment I found most damning was a man who had been in a "polyamorous" marriage for years, then eventually found the woman of his dreams and is now happily monogamous. Guess what? He no longer has an uncontrollable desire to sleep with random babes, just like athletes can easily control their desires to eat a quart of ice cream. Imagine that!
